Finding Success in Parenting a Child through Embryo Adoption

Becoming parents for the first time can feel intimidating for anyone. It’s more than just changing diapers and late night feedings. It’s learning to step back and let your child make their own mistakes, some little, some big. Helping them learn to walk, but also walk through the difficulties that may come their way. For couples who are pursuing embryo adoption, getting to those first stages of parenting can feel like its own journey, but with their first pregnancy will come so much joy.

So how is parenting different for couples who decided to build their family through embryo adoption? They will often have some level of ongoing contact with the family that created the embryos. There will be a bit more to talk about when answering “Where did I come from?” There will be different genetic parents, and often of a genetic sibling or two to talk about. Talking about these differences with a child can seem daunting when the rubber hits the road. Here are a few things to keep in mind when parenting a child through embryo adoption.

Kids are creative, so their questions will be too: You may agonize for weeks, months, even years about the moment that your child will ask that question “Where did I come from?” How will they respond? Will they be disappointed? What should you say? The reality is, you probably won’t be able to predict when, how or what they ask. So stop trying to plan the perfect answer. Just get comfortable with their story and communicate it positively when the time comes. It will matter more to them that you are willing to talk about it, than whether or not you said everything perfectly.

Talk to them early and talk to them often: There are multiple studies that show the benefits of talking with your child about adoption at a young age. In the past, it seemed to made sense to talk to them as teenagers when they were more capable of understanding IVF and fertility treatments. The downside to this is that teenagers are also trying to build their identity at this age, and it comes with a powerful kick of hormones. Starting young will allow you to have better discussions with your teens when they can start grasping more and more of their story, instead of dealing with lost trust from hiding it for so long.

You will make mistakes, what matters is what you do with them: No parent is perfect. There will be days where you are tired and just didn’t take the time to sit down and answer their questions. Maybe you said something and it was misinterpreted. Maybe they asked that dreaded question “Are you my real mother?” and you answered a little sharper than you intended to. Don’t be afraid to go back, apologize, and ask if you can start that discussion over again. It will help them know that you make mistakes too, and learn how to respond in those situations.

If you want more tips for parenting an embryo adopted child, watch the following recorded webinar on this unique topic.